I’m NOT OK with this.

I am white privledge because of the color of my skin. I can also be judged by some as an unsympathetic white person who doesn’t care about what is going on in the world right now. Yet, that is so far from the truth. Right now in this moment we should all be solidified in two things: Racism still exists in 2020 and the death of George Floyd was straight up murder. Period. I have no sympathy whatsoever for the three police officers responsible for allowing George Floyd to die, and for the one that actually did it. They are evil. I believe I can support a movement of change without condoning looting, rioting or hurting others as the only response. I am proud of the peaceful protesters standing up for what is right. I do however understand the reasons behind the looting and rioting. Yet, I still believe there is always an alternative choice. One thing is for sure, I don’t understand racism at all and I don’t think I ever will. It’s unacceptable and unfathomable.

I cannot imagine living a life of being suspected of wrong doing just because of the color of my skin. I can’t imagine a world of not being able to trust those who should protect me. It saddens me that this is a reality for some. My daughter’s best friend is black and they have been inseparable since kindergarten. Her parents are dear friends of ours and we love having them spend as much time as they can together even though they now go to different schools. I think if something were to happen to her father, who is loving and hardworking – How would I rectify it? I would be angry beyond belief and at a complete loss for words. I would wonder how can another human being be so cruel. Unfortunately this has happened far too many times. As a young high school student in the 90s, I remember what happened to Rodney King so vividly. Sadly there is a stark contrast from then to now. People aren’t just getting beat up – they are dying. Not only is there police brutality to worry about but racist murders as well for no apparent reason (James Byrd, Jr and now most recently, Ahmaud Arbery). My heart breaks for Floyd’s family and friends and every other human before him that has lost their life due to hatred, prejudice and racism. It affects me deeply and it’s taken me a while to process it all.

For a while I thought the body cameras so many police forces adopted would help because there would be evidence. I thought extra laws that restricted some local police from using a certain amount of force in arrests would help. I thought any police chief or sheriff would be extra diligent on who they hired or who they kept on their force to avoid this tragic scenario in their own town. Sadly, where there is evil – there is no respect for rules, consequences, or human life. I’m afraid that unless we all choose unity, collectively condemn racism and do our civic duty to make real changes, this will continue to happen. The fact that this is still happening in 2020 is unbelievable.

So what can I do about it? I can’t change the mind of others that don’t want to listen so I don’t waste my energy there. I want action and that’s probably because I’ve been in a 12 step recovery program for almost a decade. I’ve been through a lot of my own messes and I used to fight fire with fire. I used to let my anger and rage get the best of me and that slowly affected my soul and strained my relationships. From my personal experience, anger and resentment can breed hate if forgiveness is thrown to the wayside. I used to justify my actions based on what others did to me. Ultimately, I was just emotionally reacting to my own trauma, but that didn’t make my actions right and it didn’t make me feel better afterwards, either. I want to see the best in others, I want to truly connect with other people and have loving, authentic relationships. I teach my children to be kind to everyone. I talk with them about the beauty of everyone being different to keep us from having such a boring world around us. I tell them to be kind even to the not so nice people because we don’t know their story and we don’t walk in their shoes. I have learned those with deep hurts have sharp edges but I believe they still desire love and acceptance. I tell my kids to stand up for the bullied and to be vocal and speak up when something is not right which they have done and continue to do.

I can choose to continue to educate myself and my children. I can choose to pay close attention to my own city and who is at the head of the police department. I will watch how police and government treat others and how they reprimand their own for wrongdoing. If they don’t example integrity, equality or liberty and justice, I will vote them out. Because what we allow is what will continue. Protesting is amazing, but there have to be next steps. I’m not OK with this current America. I’m not OK with lives still being lost for no reason. I’m not OK with how crappy 2020 has turned out and it’s only halfway over. So, I will speak up if I see or witness someone being prejudice or racist towards another human. And trust me, I will be worse than a Karen if the opportunity presents itself.

A few years back I would leave notes of hope and encouragement after paying for someone’s coffee or drive through meal. Then I stopped because I figured no one cared and that it didn’t matter. I will start again. We all need kindness and love and I can choose to spread love. I will also commit to spending time with my neighbors and letting them know my home is a safe space for anyone that needs it. Let’s talk, let’s eat – we are in this together! #lovewins

I know making a conscious choice to be kinder and be a diligent voter isn’t revolutionary and it’s not the answer to complex issues, but it’s a start. What if more people chose kindness and love in their day to day and got more involved in their local community? Could we change the world just a little? I will end with two relevant quotes by the great Martin Luther King, Jr because we need a leader like him right now. We need hope, love, compassion and we need to speak up for what is right. If you look hard enough, even in the midst of protests and rioting, there are kind people doing beautiful things and I will reject the story of mass negativity and chaos coming from Mr. Floyd’s death. I refuse to believe that narrative. True change can start with me. It can start with you. I must lead my children by example and treat my friends, co-workers and family with empathy and respect. How I act and react to others truly does matter.

“He who passively accepts evil is as much involved in it as he who helps to perpetrate it. He who accepts evil without protesting against it is really cooperating with it.”

“People fail to get along because they fear each other; they fear each other because they don’t know each other; they don’t know each other because they have not communicated with each other.”
–Martin Luther King, Jr

Final thought: What world am I currently creating with my own thoughts, emotions and reactions to everything around me and to those I care about? I can only control me. Yet, I know I can do better and I’ve got to start now. Black Lives Do Matter and enough is enough. There is still so much to be done but I cannot be silent. I cannot sit back and wait without doing something different in my own life. I want to communicate love and be the peace I wish to see in the world.

*Featured Image courtesy of Dorset Photographic.